I am not looking to this school year at all.
What was I thinking? Being up in the mountains doesn’t help me forget about my problems. It multiplies the time I spend thinking of my problems. Some times, I just want to scream. Scream and hurl things. Scream while hurling things and watch them breaks. If someone were to set me on fire, I just pray it would get me to stop thinking, it hurts so much.
I keep away from talking to anyone, because most of them just remind me of the time I spent with him. Or what I can’t have anymore. I am sorry, it’s very selfish of me, but it’s the only way I know how to cope. This upcoming year, I probably will keep away from them. This morning’s dream pushed me too far. I will start anew with my social group. I can’t stop about everything he did, and the one thing I did to give it all up. Rebuilding trust has got to be the most painful, most cruel of all punishments. I know I’m stronger than this, but I just want someone who will be there to tell me I can do it. I’m a terrible self-motivator. He was the best one I ever had. Although, belittling myself isn’t doing that much for me either. I don’t know what to do. I’m so lonely.
I miss him so much.
dammit here’s an english bulldog puppy. not for you but for me. It’s the only thing I’m looking forward in this upcoming month.